Changes are coming...

So I was just reading a new post over at Average Moms Wear Capes and I started looking around her blog. I read the tab labeled "About the Editor" and was so amazed by her. Well in this post she talks about her life, how she has two children, one was a premie, she was overweight and unhappy after having her second kid. She talks about how she got a picture of herself in an email and she cried because of how she looked in her picture. Well then she posted a link to an older post that she posted on a different blog about her obsession with weight loss and it hit so close to home and THIS post is EXACTLY how I feel. I actually cried while reading it. The sad part though... is that she felt this way after giving birth to two children. I feel this way at the age of 22 and I have never had any children.

I obsess over trying to lose weight... but I don't follow through because it gets "too hard". I have joined a gym (i have gone 2 times in like a month and a half... of course I have an excuse though: My car doesn't work therefore I cannot drive to the gym), I  have all the diet and exercise books in the world and I have read them... I just don't do anything about it, I try to eat healthier but its "hard" to come up with healthy recipes and have all the right ingredients at home, I start a walking regimen and do real good for 2 days and then it rains the 3rd day so of course I cant walk in the rain... and I totally forget about it on the 4th, 5th, 6th, and everyday after that. Until, of course I decide to start a walking regimen again. I am my own worst enemy, my own saboteur. It needs to stop now!

I know I have posted on here in previous posts that "I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been". Well guess what... I am even heavier now than I was when I posted that a month or two ago.

I am missing out on so much in life. I grew up near a beach and now live near a beach and have not gone in years. I wont go swimming in the pool with my husband because I am too uncomfortable with my body. I cant even imagine what I will look like after I have children if I don't do something now. Currently I have ONE pair of jeans that fit, I am wearing my husbands tshirts because I cant fit into my own. When I don't wear that one pair of jeans I wear pajama pants or some sort of stretchy pants because those are the only thing that fit and are some what comfortable. I don't want to buy new clothes to fit me because I don't want to be at the weight that I am.

Then I read THIS post (also by her) that made me cry again. I don't want to wait any longer to get healthy. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, infront of my husband, do things I won't do because I am fat. I want to be CONFIDENT. I want to live life to fullest. I want to go hiking (even if my husband can't be in the sun for that long because he will burn), I want to go swimming when it is 110 degrees with 90% humidity in the summer. I want to wear dresses and not look like I am pregnant. I want to wear clothes and not have to worry about my rolls hanging over. I want to walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breathe when I reach the top. I mean ,who freakin thought that I would not be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded when I was in highschool playing softball, and volleyball, and cheerleading. I was fit and in shape. Now I am so out of shape, un-fit, and hate my body.

Things need to change. I need to change.



BTW... sorry for such a "downer" post after I was so excited about my awesome new blog design. I just had to get this typed out after reading her story.